I was asked this question recently by a close friend who has been grieving the loss of her brother.
I have also met many people this year that have mentioned that they question the goodness of God. Bad things have happened in their lives and it is hard to get past it.
This post is for all of you, my friends.
"What do you mean exactly?" I asked. "Well," she said, "I AM grateful for things God has given me and opportunities He has provided me with this past year, but the loss of my brother is so much bigger than all those things, they just can't compare. Thanksgiving is coming up. It's a holiday focused on saying thanks to God for everything. But you know what? I do not want to celebrate it. I am not thankful for evertything." I just looked at her in silence. "Does that make me a bad person? I know there have been so many attacks in Syria and now Paris and there are sick and poir children in Africa. I know I am blessed, but I am also mad."
The following is what I responded-
We should always be grateful. Always. And you ARE. Maybe not in the way our society views gratefulness, but I know in the bottom of your heart you are grateful.
So, what you are feeling is not bad. You are grieving. Setting time apart to grieve is different than being ungrateful. It's ok to not be extremely excited to watch football and stuff yourself with food until you feel uncomfortable. It's ok to not post a "happy" picture on facebook saying how much you love your life right now. It's ok to be mad at God. But it's not ok to be UNgrateful.
Why? The bible tells us we should always be grateful.
Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. ~ 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
Families all around the United States are gathering together and thanking God for the blessings received this year. What a beautiful holiday. If I tell you to picture thanksgiving, you will probably picture a happy family around a big table, football playing on the T.V. and happy kids running around; everyone eating delicious food. Well, what if I told you that is not the only way thanksgiving looks. Thanksgiving is being celebrated in prisons, hospital beds, and orphanages. There are people celebrating by themselves. They don't have a family, they were abandoned--rejected. You also have the family who lost a father, mother, or child this year. They look at the empty spot on the table and even though they are thankful for warmth, food, and shelter, they cannot bring themselves to forget what was taken away this year. They cannot thank God because that loss is greater than anything they have received. There is also the old lady that is dying-alone. No one has visited her this year. She is thankful for her life, but all her relatives have died and her children do not remember her. What can she be thankful for? Should she be thankful for her loneliness? For the cold she feels at night? Is it bad she's not thankful for that?
“In everything give thanks" what does tha mean? Is it even possible to give thanks in all things? Even the hard things?
Ok God, I'll be thankful for the dissapointments, the broken car, and the lost job. I’ll be thankful for the ruined relationship, the hateful lies, the hard diagnosis, and all the pain and hurt. No problem.
No! It is hard to be thankful for all of this. Then WHAT does God mean?
This is not the only time He says to be thankful in everything. It is repeated more than six times in the bible.
Yes, the dying old lady should be thankful but...
Being thankful in everything doesn’t mean slapping on a plastic smile when things are hard.
One of my biggest pet peeves is when people comment things such as "Would it kill you to smile?" We live in a society where smiling 24/7 is what is socially acceptable. Getting on a bus? Smile! Lying on a hospital bed? Smile! Shopping for groceries? Smile! Your mom just died? Smile! I'm not even trying to be funny on this one. It is not real or healthy to live such fake, plastic lives. It's ok to cry. It's ok to have bad days.Granted, it's ok to have bad years. And when you are happy, DO smile please! That way we can know you are happy.
I know it seems very hard to be thankful in the hard times, but God is not asking you to smile this thanksgiving. He rather wants you to take this day to be thankful for who He is no matter what the circumstance. It means bringing a sacrifice of praise and thanksgiving to the One who has all authority in your life. It means humbly drawing nearer to Him in gratitude for His faithfulness and provision. Even when things are hard. Even when you don't understand. Being thankful for everything means being thankful that there is no thing in your life that God can’t use for His GOOD purpose.
I know it does not seem that way, and you are tired of people telling you that God is all good.That He is all merciful. How could he allow all the evil in the world to happen then? The truth is that evil doesn't exist. Evil is the absence of love. Without bad, we would not know what is good. Without pain, we would not know happiness. God gave you free will so you could someday acheive that happiness, so you could choose to love Him. Sounds selfish... a God that created us to love Him... No, in fact, He does not need you. But He loves you and wants to spend eternity with you, and He is letting you choose that. He cannot force you to do something you don't want to do. He has already experienced all the pain you have experienced. In fact, He is dying to take it away from you! When Jesus was about to die, He asked his father to take the cup away from Him. But God did not take it away. He let his only son die ro save us. To save you. He didn't want to die, but at the same time He chose to do it for You. He wants to get closer to you during this time of pain. He wants you to fall to your knees and embrace Him. He wants you to be grateful of the sacrifice He made for you. He keeps doing that sacrifice every singe day in the eucharist.
To wrap things up: Friends, who "are not grateful" this thanksgiving: I am not telling you to be grateful because gratitude does not erase grief. Nor should it. It is not an antidote to loss, nor could it ever be. You don’t honor grief with gratitude. You honor grief by grieving.
I am also not saying that people who are grieving are not thankful for "the person who’s lost the love of their life? First, they are often profoundly grateful: for their family, the friends who care for them, the love they receive. They may not actively show it, but it’s often there" (Lawrence). That is why it's ok to not be "grateful" the way society portrays it should be. The immediate aftermath of tragedy is not the time to find things to be grateful for. It is a time to find solace not in happy things, but in grieving itself.
Grieving and being ungrateful are totally diferent things. Being ungrateful arises in the trivialities of life such as complaining about each detail of your job or how you don't have the latest gadget is ungrateful. Grieving is different.
I know all of you grieving are grateful. Even more now. You are more grateful because you realize that anything in your life could dissapear the next day. You are grateful for the people around you that have helped you and been there for you. You ARE grateful this thanksgiving, deep in your heart.
What I am trying to say is I know you are grateful, but also mad at God. And that's ok. We can't understand His ways. You will someday, and you will be at peace, but for now, it's ok to be in a room full of people and delicious food and not be happy. It's healthy even. But at night, say a little prayer to your Father and tell him:
You give and take away, Lord.
I do not understand why you have taken ------ away from me, and am not sure I will ever understand. All I ask from you is that you allow me to trust that all you do is for my good.
Thank You for Your many blessings on us this past year...the ones we've seen, as well as the ones we haven't seen.
Thank you, God for the times You have said "no." They have helped us depend on You so much more.
Thank you, God, for unanswered prayer. It reminds us that You know what's best for us, even when our opinion differs.
Thank You for the things you have withheld. You have protected us from what we may never realize.
Thank You, God, for the doors You have closed. They have prevented us from going where You would rather not have us go.
Thank you, Lord, for the physical pain You've allowed in our lives. It has helped us more closely relate to Your sufferings on our behalf.
Thank you, Lord, for the alone times in our lives. Those times have forced us to lean in closer to You.
Thank you, God, for the uncertainties we've experienced. They have deepened our trust in You.
Thank you, God for the times You have said "no." They have helped us depend on You so much more.
Thank you, God, for unanswered prayer. It reminds us that You know what's best for us, even when our opinion differs.
Thank You for the things you have withheld. You have protected us from what we may never realize.
Thank You, God, for the doors You have closed. They have prevented us from going where You would rather not have us go.
Thank you, Lord, for the physical pain You've allowed in our lives. It has helped us more closely relate to Your sufferings on our behalf.
Thank you, Lord, for the alone times in our lives. Those times have forced us to lean in closer to You.
Thank you, God, for the uncertainties we've experienced. They have deepened our trust in You.
Thank You, Lord, for the times You came through for us when we didn't even know we needed a rescue.
Thank You, Lord, for the losses we have experienced. They have been a reminder that You are our greatest gain.
Thank You, God, for the tears we have shed. They have kept our hearts soft and moldable.
Thank You, God, for the times we haven't been able to control our circumstances. They have reminded us that You are sovereign and on the throne.
Thank You, God, for Your ability to take what we consider 'tragedy' and turn it into a treasure.Thank You, God, for those You have called home to be with You. Their absence from this earth reminds us to keep our eyes fixed on heaven.
Thank You, God, that we have an inheritance in the heavenly places...something that this world can never steal from us and we could never selfishly squander.
Thank You, God, for the greatest gift You could ever give us: forgiveness through Your perfect Son's death on the cross on our behalf.
Thank you, God, for the righteousness You credited toward us, through the death and resurrection of Jesus. It's a righteousness we could never attain to on our own.
And thank You not only for our eternal salvation, but for the salvation You afford us every day of our lives as You save us from ourselves, our foolishness, our own limited insights, and our frailties in light of Your power and strength.
Thank You, God, for all that You have allowed and not allowed in our lives this past year. For we commit our lives anew to You this day and ask that You would continue to remind us, throughout this next year, that You are God, You are on the throne, and You are eternally good.
Thank You, Lord, for the losses we have experienced. They have been a reminder that You are our greatest gain.
Thank You, God, for the tears we have shed. They have kept our hearts soft and moldable.
Thank You, God, for the times we haven't been able to control our circumstances. They have reminded us that You are sovereign and on the throne.
Thank You, God, for Your ability to take what we consider 'tragedy' and turn it into a treasure.Thank You, God, for those You have called home to be with You. Their absence from this earth reminds us to keep our eyes fixed on heaven.
Thank You, God, that we have an inheritance in the heavenly places...something that this world can never steal from us and we could never selfishly squander.
Thank You, God, for the greatest gift You could ever give us: forgiveness through Your perfect Son's death on the cross on our behalf.
Thank you, God, for the righteousness You credited toward us, through the death and resurrection of Jesus. It's a righteousness we could never attain to on our own.
And thank You not only for our eternal salvation, but for the salvation You afford us every day of our lives as You save us from ourselves, our foolishness, our own limited insights, and our frailties in light of Your power and strength.
Thank You, God, for all that You have allowed and not allowed in our lives this past year. For we commit our lives anew to You this day and ask that You would continue to remind us, throughout this next year, that You are God, You are on the throne, and You are eternally good.
Amen.
